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The Death of a Loved One: Therapy Can Help

Marcelina Hardy | May 16, 2008

Losing someone you care about so deeply is difficult. You may find yourself wondering how you will ever be able to move on with life without this person. You wish that maybe you could have done something to keep the person around just a little while longer.

Understanding the Emotions of the Death of a Loved One

When you lose anything, you will go through a period of emotional instability. You may feel anger, resentment, and utter sadness. The many emotions you feel are completely normal and the amount of time you will feel this way depends on how long this person has been part of your life and how much this person was involved in your daily activities.

Proximity and Distance

It is often much harder to pick yourself up and continue working and doing what you normally do in a course of a day when the person who has died is no longer part of that routine. This is why some people have a harder time dealing with someone's death if the person was around them every day. You go through each day reminded of how much you miss having that person around and you feel lonely.

If your loved one that passed away lived a long distance away, you may still have a hard time dealing with it but usually you will find you may be able to continue your normal routine much quicker. This is because you don't have the constant reminder that the person is gone. However, you will still deal with the fact that you will never see the person again and this can be just as devastating especially if he or she was an important figure in your life.

Psychotherapy: Picking Up the Pieces

Not everyone can pick themselves up and recover from the blow of having someone close to him or her die. That person will no longer be a part of your life and you might need help accepting this so you can overcome this crisis. Therapy is an excellent way for you to talk about how you feel. The therapist will explain why you are dealing with these emotions and how they are affecting your life. This will help you start working on ways to come to terms with how you feel.

The Stages of Loss and Grief by Kübler-Ross

Your therapist may discuss the stages of loss and grief by Kübler-Ross. These stages commonly referred to as DABDA stands for Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Your first reaction to a loss of someone or something is that it isn't possible that it has happened. The next emotion you may feel is anger because you realize it did happen. You may start to bargain with yourself, meaning you will think of all the ways you could have done to prevent it from happening ("Maybe if I had called her more she wouldn't have died."). In the Depression stage, you know there is nothing you can do and Acceptance is the final stage when you start the process of recovery.

The only way to heal your pain is with time. It can take months or years before you can finally say you have recovered. You may never be able to think of the person without feeling hurt and sadness but you will find it at a lesser degree so your affected by it much less.

References
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model